Failures

In years past, if I'd have started something (like this blog for example) and didn't conclude or at least plow through it for a year, I'd have considered myself a failure.
Well, technically, I still do.
But I'm happy to say I don't consider that a bad thing anymore!

When I started this blog, (lo, those many years ago), dewy-eyed Kelsey had dreams of starting a bucket list, completing practically everything on it, and having that be the answer to everything in my life.  It wasn't that I was unhappy with my life.  My marriage was (and still is) great; I have sweet baby dogs; I loved the location of our apartment; and I had just quit a part-time job that I hated.  But still, for some reason, I thought my life needed change or variety or inspiration--something!
I assumed I was going through a quarter-life crisis, and probably it was, but I had naively thought it ended 2 years ago.  Even though my gross, stressful part-time job was horrible, it had given me a sense of purpose.  When that ended, I assumed my bucket list would fulfill and motivate me.  It took a year to figure out  that no, having a bucket list does not ultimately make me fulfilled.

So I failed at my bucket list, I failed at keeping up with my blog, but I've learned that those are two things I'm not terribly interested in.  It seems like I would have figured this out sooner, but in an unhappy, purposeless state the only thing that occurred to me was that I was too lazy to finish either. It's amazing that I was ever able to realize that my laziness was indicative of something else.  My hopes, dreams, desires, ambition--none of them can be confined to a boring, old list.  And while I think it was a good idea to make my bucket list, I trust that life will be far more exciting than 100 things to do before I die.

What was the point of all this?  Ah yes, to my peers and younger peers (because I trust you older ones have already figured it out): embrace your failure; it's only helping to clarify who you are as a person.  And life's far more interesting than a set of goals you've written out for yourself.  Trust your exciting future.

Will I ever write another blog post?  Oh, let's be honest, probably (maybe not for a year).  But I'm excited to find out!