Excuses, Excuses

Ah ha!  I see you've noticed I haven’t written in two months.  Well, it’s true, you've got me.  This task, like so many others, scares me.  So I abandoned it.  An entire month in 2013 has gone by, and I haven’t even remotely started working on my bucket list.  Most of my list for the year isn't something that requires a lot of hard work.  Eating fruits?  I love to eat!  Get a deep tissue massage?  Why, I should be jumping at the chance!  But instead I've completely shut down.  Why?

The first part of my bucket list I started working on in 2013 was taking a walk every single day (unless the weather would kill me).  It was so easy to do at first.  My husband and I were in Florida from Jan. 2 until the 8, so the weather was no hindrance.  And then we came home and got puppies.

I’d like to think the puppies were the reason I stopped walking, and I’m sure if we hadn't gotten them I would have lasted a few more days before coming up with a different excuse.

Why do I do this to myself?  In all honesty, I don’t really know.  If I was desperate to find the root of the problem, I could always go to therapy and find out, but I’m not all that interested in the why.  I just want to stop doing it.  I thought making a list would help me break things down into smaller bits and seem less intimidating, and at first it did.  But then, I don’t know why, it seemed big and scary again.  So I shut down.  That’s just how I react to big intimidating things: big papers, recitals (ahem…), planning weddings.  The list goes on and on.

So I suppose that now my first goal needs to be to start with 36. Learn how to deal with anxieties better.  Unfortunately that’s the most intimidating because it takes away my number one excuse to not accomplish anything.  I know some people are inspired by knowing that their success is entirely up to them.  But I’m not.  I know I’m an incredibly unreliable person when it comes to taking on tasks.  And now if I remove my anxieties and still fail, it will only prove that I was right and I am an unreliable, lazy person.  And then how will I accomplish my bucket list?

But here is a picture of my cutest excuses to cheer everyone up!

Penny is on the left and Gizmo is on the right.  (Such good girls!)