Choose the Obnoxious

I've come to the age in my life, where I'm not a college student anymore, but people in their 30's and older, don't really consider me an adult.  I thought I was done with all this transitional aging, but I guess we never actually are.  The problem with this particular age is even though I'm an adult (and I think I'm all right at it), I don't feel my opinions are taken seriously by many older people.

Like, right now, my husband and I eat what we consider to be "ethical."  We still eat meat and animal products--though much, much fewer than we used to--and our criteria for what we consider "ethical" meat and animal products are pretty stringent.  This usually means we end up spending 4-5 times as much on meat and dairy than our parents.  Whenever the subject of groceries come up, I always get this "oh, honey" look from my mom--like I'm being naive trying to eat better for the environment, the animals, and me!  (I guess we never stop being children to our parents.)

But it's not just parents, I tend to get embarrassed telling people what I do (I teach piano), because I know many people don't consider that a "real" job.  There are so many reasons why I teach piano (instead of getting some mindless job like a page at a library even though the page job makes more money), but the most important reason is our dogs.  When we adopted our puppies, we made the commitment that we would be around them a lot, so they wouldn't have to live in a household where we're away all day.  Honestly, it doesn't matter my reasons for sticking with only being a piano teacher, I know that I'm making the right decision for me and my husband (and pups!) right now.

Am I happier eating the food I buy, having the job I have, and devoting extra time to my pups?  Yes!  A thousand times, yes!  But is my life more annoying because people always give me a "bless your heart" when I talk about the way I live my life?  A million times, yes.

I'd like to offer some more unsolicited advice to my peers (especially to those fresh out of college): if you have to choose between wasting your life not living in accordance with your values just because--especially because--of money or people reacting obnoxiously to your life/values, choose the obnoxious people.

Time doesn't slow down from here on out--in fact it gets faster.  The longer you take to live true to your values, the longer you waste your life.

Global Citizen

So I discovered something about myself today: I really like ethnomusicology.  (No, Google, that's actually a word.)  That's kind of a lie.  I thought that I had discovered that fact months and months ago, but since I've been unsure about anything in my life lately, I didn't really trust that feeling.  In the magic that occurred when I got a Twitter and changed everything on my Pinterest (also a word, Google--sheesh), I discovered I really wanted to introduce people (and myself) to other cultures' music.

Times are changing, friends.  It's no longer healthy for us to assume that we, the United States, needs to be number one in the world.  Even thinking that there is some sort of competition amongst (seriously, Google?! that's definitely a word)  is obsolete.  I can follow somebody on Twitter who's the farthest distance from Kentucky (if someone knows where that is, I'd love to know), and form a connection with them.  We wouldn't be best friends--because when would we ever meet?--but I'd have a teeny connection to this person.  If terrible things happened to that person or person's family, it would effect me.  And all across the world relationships like these are forming.  We're not just competing independent countries in the world anymore--we're all connected (in the great circle of life)!

"So how does ethnomusicology tie into this, Kelsey?"  Excellent question, random reader!

I think music and food are the most accessible ways to be introduced to other cultures.  Everybody likes music and everybody likes food.  It's harder in America, for example, to obtain the necessary ingredients to make authentic food from other cultures.  It's super easy to get on YouTube and search for a type of music.  Just in the last three or four days, I've heard music from Bulgaria, North and South India, Poland, aboriginal Australians, Taiwan, Iran, Ireland, and Palestine.  I don't know exactly why, but I'm pretty convinced that immersing yourself in other cultures' music is the first step towards becoming a better global citizen.

Did you know other cultures expressed emotions through songs?  I'm going to assume yes (unless you've exiled yourself from the modern world).  But do you know how those songs effect you?  Is it possible that you can make a connection with another group of people, just by listening to their music?

I believe so.  And as of now I'm committed to becoming a better global citizen--and helping you become a better global citizen--through music.

Failures

In years past, if I'd have started something (like this blog for example) and didn't conclude or at least plow through it for a year, I'd have considered myself a failure.
Well, technically, I still do.
But I'm happy to say I don't consider that a bad thing anymore!

When I started this blog, (lo, those many years ago), dewy-eyed Kelsey had dreams of starting a bucket list, completing practically everything on it, and having that be the answer to everything in my life.  It wasn't that I was unhappy with my life.  My marriage was (and still is) great; I have sweet baby dogs; I loved the location of our apartment; and I had just quit a part-time job that I hated.  But still, for some reason, I thought my life needed change or variety or inspiration--something!
I assumed I was going through a quarter-life crisis, and probably it was, but I had naively thought it ended 2 years ago.  Even though my gross, stressful part-time job was horrible, it had given me a sense of purpose.  When that ended, I assumed my bucket list would fulfill and motivate me.  It took a year to figure out  that no, having a bucket list does not ultimately make me fulfilled.

So I failed at my bucket list, I failed at keeping up with my blog, but I've learned that those are two things I'm not terribly interested in.  It seems like I would have figured this out sooner, but in an unhappy, purposeless state the only thing that occurred to me was that I was too lazy to finish either. It's amazing that I was ever able to realize that my laziness was indicative of something else.  My hopes, dreams, desires, ambition--none of them can be confined to a boring, old list.  And while I think it was a good idea to make my bucket list, I trust that life will be far more exciting than 100 things to do before I die.

What was the point of all this?  Ah yes, to my peers and younger peers (because I trust you older ones have already figured it out): embrace your failure; it's only helping to clarify who you are as a person.  And life's far more interesting than a set of goals you've written out for yourself.  Trust your exciting future.

Will I ever write another blog post?  Oh, let's be honest, probably (maybe not for a year).  But I'm excited to find out!

Sweet Tooth Tuesdays: Pumpkin Cookies

Just last week, my friends and I decided we'd have a cookie night every Tuesday night.  Which sounds awesome, right?  Except Friday, my husband and I went paleo.  No more chocolate.  No more caramel.  No more brownies.  And no. more. chocolate.  How do you make cookies without chocolate?  I think I've only made two kinds in my whole life without chocolate: snickerdoodles (not paleo) and Christmas sugar cookies (also not paleo).  So, scrambling to find a recipe that is a cookie, but also paleo, I found this by way of Pinterest: Paleo Pumpkin Cookies and created Sweet Tooth Tuesdays!  So now every Tuesday, you can check back and find another paleo dessert recipe I tried that week.

You all are about to become tasty goodness...

The ingredient list for the Paleo Pumpkin Cookies says you can use either pumpkin, butternut squash, or sweet potatoes.  Since I still have cans upon cans of pumpkin that I never used during autumn, I decided to use those.

We mixed the dry and wet ingredients separately, as instructed.

Let's be honest, one person did more mixing than the other...

After baking them for an eternity of 20 minutes, they came out looking like this:

Just a darker, tastier version of the batter.

And boom!  Cookie Night was served.  They tasted really good, especially to someone who hadn't had a lot of sugar over the last few days.  (These cookies take 2-4 tablespoons of maple syrup, and I, of course, opted for the 4 tablespoons.)  Even our dear, skeptical friend Max enjoyed them!

Proof that Max is enjoying them, even if a bag is in his face!

This recipe was certainly encouraging, and I can't wait to try what else I've picked out for my other Sweet Tooth Tuesdays!

Thin Mints

Yesterday began my venture into the three months of eating only Paleo.  And my dear, sweet husband has agreed to play along at least for a month.  (He claims he only agreed to two weeks, but I heard him say a month, so a month it is!)  I've seen a lot of discrepancies between different Paleo diets, so here are the guidelines we are following:

• No grains of any kind (that includes corn [a cereal grain] and rice)
• No beans or legumes (including peanuts and soy)
• No dairy (waaaaaaaaah!!!)
• No processed sugar
• No chemicals added to "food"

So I can eat:

• Meat
• Fruit
• Vegetables
• Seeds and Nuts (which includes Quinoa)
• Maple Syrup and Honey

And my husband and I have agreed on a compromising:

• Wine
• Tea

We've got a meal plan for the first week (which I'll post later in case you're interested.  But as a farewell to our favorite foods, here's a picture of our Thin Mint milkshakes:

So minty and so chocolatey...

Goodbye, my minty, chocolatey loves!

10. Florida

(Note: I shall be referring to my husband as H to protect his privacy just a teensy bit.)

Despite myself, I still somehow manage to get things accomplished on my bucket list.  Like crossing off three states from my bucket list!

8.           Delaware

9.           Georgia

10.         Florida

11.         Hawaii

12.         Idaho

13.         Illinois

14.         Indiana

15.         Iowa

16.         Kansas

17.         Kentucky

18.         Louisiana

19.         Maine

Since I haven’t mentioned it before, my rule for crossing off states is either I must live in them or specifically visit them.  No layovers or hours of driving through.  (I’m looking at you, Georgia!)  Kentucky was easy to cross off because I live here.  And the Indiana trip is a story for another day.  So: Florida.

I chose to make 2. Visit Every State part of my bucket list, because I really wanted (and still want) to see the change in flora and fauna.  I love how living in a large country provides massively diverse landscapes.  But I wasn’t going to Florida to view landscapes; I was going to visit family.

The idea of going on this trip caused me a bit of anxiety.  You see, we were going to visit H’s grandmother and her husband.  H’s grandmother is a wonderful person, and so is, I imagine, her husband.  But he has Alzheimer’s.  I’m not ashamed to say that the prospect of spending a week with them made me uneasy simply because of that fact.  The truth is my own grandmother had Alzheimer’s or dementia or a series of small strokes (the doctors never were too clear), and I knew how heart-breaking and cruel a disease it could be.  And since she had died in December, I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with it again so soon.

When we got there, my fears weren’t assuaged.  H’s step-grandfather acted basically how I expected.  He didn’t know the house we were in was the house he lived in.  He didn’t recognize H’s family, even though he’d been a part of it for nearly 25 years.  And worst of all, most of the time he didn’t even know that H’s grandmother was his wife.  (A few times he said I looked like his daughter, but he doesn’t even have any daughters.)  It made me sad, and my heart broke for H’s grandmother.  How could she live like this day in and day out?

H’s grandmother is quite the cheerful personality, and whether or not she actually feels cheerful, she radiates it just the same.  I was baffled as to how she could deal.  But then one day, I started looking at all of her photo albums.  (She’s basically scrapbooked since 1982.)  I really love looking at pictures.  It’s more fun if I know the people in them, but I don’t have to.  And the older the better!  As I was looking through them, I started seeing lots of pictures of her and her husband, and I thought, “Oh no, this is just going to make me even more upset, seeing them before his Alzheimer’s.”  And for a while it did upset me.  But as I kept looking at the pictures, something changed.  For some reason, seeing that she and her husband had had this whole life together before the Alzheimer’s really comforted me. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever completely know why seeing the photographs reassured me.  But I think the fact that they had this entire life and love together before Alzheimer’s, and that not even the Alzheimer’s could change that past had something to do with it.  I’ve had this idea in my head that who you are is determined by how you are when you die.  If you’re successful when you die, then you die a success.  If you were successful, but then towards the end of your life you had a failed comeback or something, then you die a failure.  If you die with Alzheimer’s, then you die tragically.  I’m not sure I think that anymore.  Yes, H’s step-grandfather’s disease is ugly, twisted, and just plain mean.  But that doesn’t change how many people loved him, were loved by him, and still love him.  Even if he can’t remember.

H and his step-grandfather waving to neighbors.

Excuses, Excuses

Ah ha!  I see you've noticed I haven’t written in two months.  Well, it’s true, you've got me.  This task, like so many others, scares me.  So I abandoned it.  An entire month in 2013 has gone by, and I haven’t even remotely started working on my bucket list.  Most of my list for the year isn't something that requires a lot of hard work.  Eating fruits?  I love to eat!  Get a deep tissue massage?  Why, I should be jumping at the chance!  But instead I've completely shut down.  Why?

The first part of my bucket list I started working on in 2013 was taking a walk every single day (unless the weather would kill me).  It was so easy to do at first.  My husband and I were in Florida from Jan. 2 until the 8, so the weather was no hindrance.  And then we came home and got puppies.

I’d like to think the puppies were the reason I stopped walking, and I’m sure if we hadn't gotten them I would have lasted a few more days before coming up with a different excuse.

Why do I do this to myself?  In all honesty, I don’t really know.  If I was desperate to find the root of the problem, I could always go to therapy and find out, but I’m not all that interested in the why.  I just want to stop doing it.  I thought making a list would help me break things down into smaller bits and seem less intimidating, and at first it did.  But then, I don’t know why, it seemed big and scary again.  So I shut down.  That’s just how I react to big intimidating things: big papers, recitals (ahem…), planning weddings.  The list goes on and on.

So I suppose that now my first goal needs to be to start with 36. Learn how to deal with anxieties better.  Unfortunately that’s the most intimidating because it takes away my number one excuse to not accomplish anything.  I know some people are inspired by knowing that their success is entirely up to them.  But I’m not.  I know I’m an incredibly unreliable person when it comes to taking on tasks.  And now if I remove my anxieties and still fail, it will only prove that I was right and I am an unreliable, lazy person.  And then how will I accomplish my bucket list?

But here is a picture of my cutest excuses to cheer everyone up!

Penny is on the left and Gizmo is on the right.  (Such good girls!)